Since moving abroad I’ve been on a journey to get my mind right aka be more centered. I decided that while I’m here in Japan to take a more serious approach to mediation. I had been doing some reflecting, and realized I have a tendency to look back on life and situations more fondly than I did in the actual moments. I don’t want to miss this time in this cool city because I’m continuously thinking about the future. As I scroll through pictures on my phone, I see how much Sunbeam has changed over the last year. Which emphasizes how quickly time is flying by, and I want to make sure I get to thoroughly enjoy each stage with her, where we are, and this time. With those goals in mind, I began my journey.
My first step was to do some research on mediation and mindfulness. Between my iphone continuously telling me to take a minute and breath, and subscriptions to mindfulness apps previous jobs had given me, I was aware of meditation but hadn’t really utilized it or had a real understanding of the concept. So I picked up the book 10% happier by Dan Harris to satisfy my curiosity and give me some insight. The book delved into the benefits of mediations in a way that I could digest. Its logical approach left me wanting to know more, and piqued my curiosity about Buddist meditation. Being that I was in a Japan where Buddhism is common, I figured I would look into learning more from an actual Buddist meditation teacher.
I looked up mediation and wellness centers near me, while starting to do guided meditations at home, which was actually working to calm my mind a bit. But after about a month of meditating alone in my apartment I decided to seek more instruction and perhaps community. I found a temple not too far from my house that did “english instruction” ZaZen meditation. I wasn’t sure what that meant but decided to check it out.
At first I was nervous about attending. As much as I wanted to learn more and really indulge in the practice, I wasn’t looking for a new religion. I want to be respectful and be around others who were also seeking peace, but I was nervous about doing anything that could be an act of worship. I consider myself spiritual, but I had a very religious upbring that I respect. While I may not attend church regularly, I was comfortable with the general foundation and wasn’t looking to change it. I just wanted to learn how to tame the chatter in my mind, calm my ever present anxiety, and hopefully welcome some new thought patterns and ideas. From what I read online, ZaZen meditation is central to Zen buddhism but the act itself wasn’t necessarily religious. “‘za-zen’ (坐禅) is a foundational method of prāxis across the various schools of this Buddha-Way—which is not an ideology, but a way of living” (Nagatomo, 2024, para. 1). It is essentially the practice of sitting in observation of oneself and the present moment, to reset the mind. So I made up my mind and went.
At 6:30 am I walked to the temple to be early and ready for the 7:00 am start time. When I arrived, a kind Japanese woman saw me wandering around outside the doors and welcomed me in. Later I learned she didnt work there, but just decided to help the loitering foreigner. She helped me sign in, and then handed me a sheet of paper with “english instructions”.
I was totally caught off guard, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but not a sheet of paper. I grabbed it and tried my best to quickly absorb the info before grabbing a seat in the corner of the Japanese style room. All the attendees were seated on cushions along the perimeter of the room waiting to begin. I hustled to turn off my phone and while continuing to read the sheet of instructions before the session began. There was one other foreigner in the corner who peered at me, we were the only two in the room. A chime rang out, everyone around me bowed (I did my best to keep up), and the mediation began. You’re supposed to sit in either a full or half a lotus pose. I figured sitting half lotus would be easier and it was really the only possible option, so I folded myself into position, adjusted my posture and arranged my hands as suggested in my lap. About three minutes in I realized it was wildly uncomfortable. I should have just sat Indian style, but I had meticulously followed the instructions on the sheet and now I was stuck. My poor knee and ankle were in pain, my back hurt and my nose was running from the cold walk over. I was doing everything but mediating. I tried my best to stay focused on my breathing as the instructions said, but I was struggling just a few minutes in and the whole experience was to last 50 MINUTES. Clearly I was in over my head, but it was too late, so I sat there in agony trying to count my breaths. Finally, after 25 minutes a chime rang out and everyone relaxed for a 5 minute break.
Oh sweet relief. I immediately blew my nose and tried to stretch as discreetly as possible, although I’m sure I must have looked like someone who was just released from captivity. I thought about leaving, but didn’t want to quit even though it was clear I jumped in the deep end. More people poured into the room during the intermission, including more foreigners. It was now a full house. Another chime rang out and we started again. This time I figured I would sit half lotus again but I would switch legs since I’m more flexible on that side. WRONG. I was equally inflexible on both sides, and the agony started all over again. However, this time I was a little more prepared, I was able to get into the mediation more than I could before. That was until someone’s phone went off. It was one of the other foreigners. The foriegner who initially stared suspiciously at me, looked over and shook his head. I also scoffed to myself, and thanked God that I changed my initial thought to just silence my phone, to turning it off, because I would have died if that was my phone.
Near the end of the session the priest arose from the corner of the room. I was shocked because I swore the man sitting in the perfect full lotus pose at the top of the room was the priest. Turns out he was just another meditator and I was among the big fish. The priest slowly walked the interior of the room, with a large stick that I later learned was called a Keisaku. It is used at the request of the meditator to “awaken” them. As he approached, some of the meditators would bow, and then lean forward with both arms extended out on the ground in front of them and he would then whack them twice on each shoulder with the stick. I only know this because I was continuously peeking around the room instead of focusing on myself like I was supposed to. At the time I had no idea what all this meant so I opted to just continue attempting to focus on my breath as much as possible. Finally a final chime rang out and it was all over.
Overall I like my experience. I tried something new and I’m opening myself up to new experiences. But I decided to get more practice at home before going back, if I go back. What I really want is to find a meditation or wellness retreat with yoga, tea, perhaps a therapist or coach, but I haven’t found that yet. While this is all still very new for me, I like the benefits of meditating. I do feel more centered, with more gratitude, and am able to identify negative thought patterns. I also found it helped me to reflect more constructively instead of just ruminating like I normally did. You would think finding a few moments to just sit still and focus on your breath would be easy, but it works like any other therapy and takes practice. I’m going to do my best to stay committed to my meditation practice, so I’ll write a follow up in a few months on my progress.
Nagatomo, S. (2024, March 7). Japanese Zen Buddhist philosophy. In E. N. Zalta & U. Nodelman (Eds.), The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Spring 2024 Edition). Stanford University. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/japanese-zen/